Today's Inspiration

Today's Inspirational Quotes:

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible. It is yours."

 -- Ayn Rand

“Having the world's best idea will do you no good unless you act on it. People who want milk shouldn't sit on a stool in the middle of a field in hopes that a cow will back up to them.”

 – Curtis Grant

Volleyball Tryouts

Today is the first day of volleyball tryouts.  Good luck to the girls who made as much of an impact on my life than I did on theirs two years ago!

Dave's Blog

There is nothing I love more than someone else's story.  I started my blog as a way to cope with the loss of my dad, and it has evolved into a series of posts about where I am in life.  A friend at Team in Training (she's actually the director) told me to check out Dave's blog.  I don't know Dave or his story, but I found out real quick.  Dave has been battling a rare form of Leukemia for 10 years.  Thinking back ten years ago, I was 18 and getting ready to head to college.  What a difference 10 years can make...

In my last blog post, I said I was going back to school for a nutrition degree.  My mom and I sat down one afternoon to work out the logistics of this decision—cost of tuition, books, fees; where I’d live; types of jobs I could have while putting myself through school, etc.—and we also looked up types of jobs I would search for after becoming a Registered Dietician.  It was a long afternoon and there were a lot of tears, but I finally decided that is not the path for me.  To be in a clinic dealing with patients everyday isn’t my passion.  My interest is more in how food affects the body, and that would take a Masters degree and possibly a PhD to live that so-called dream. 

I have debated going back to school to teach time and time again.  I loved the kids, creating good lessons, and many other things, but the current state of public education is so bad that I can’t put myself through the frustrations of teaching.  Not to mention, my former principal and a good friend both told me that I need to consider myself lucky that I’m out of the classroom.  How can the most important part of our society—the education of children—be so bad?

I auditioned to become a head personal trainer at the number one outdoor fitness camps in Dallas.  Not only did they tell me I’d be a great trainer, I spent two-and-a-half days in Austin learning the business.  But then things got weird, people quit responding, and I didn’t know if they wanted me to be part of their company or not.  I see it now as God’s way of helping me close the door on yet another “dream” that wouldn’t fulfill me in the long run.

So, here I am.  Completely and totally lost.  What’s next?  Where do I go from here?  People have always told me that I am capable of being whoever and whatever I want in my life, but I don't know which way to turn.

And then God smacks me in the face when I read a blog about a man battling cancer.  His optimism is apparent, but what choice does he have?  Fighting cancer is just as much a mental battle as it is physical.  I say this knowing my daddy fought like a champion, as did the rest of his family and friends.  But Dave, the cancer victim for over 10 years, is still fighting, still trying to get through the chemo and the radiation, always thankful for the morning when God gives him another day to live.  I have never met Dave, but I can honestly say he’s one of my heroes.

If you’re feeling down, or you simply want to read about Dave, please visit his blog: http://www.adventureswithleukemia.blogspot.com/ 

I Was Here

Music has always been my therapy.  Lately, "I Was Here" by Lady Antebellum has been my song of choice, so I wanted to share the lyrics.

You will notice me
I'll be leaving my mark like initials carved
In an old oak tree, you wait and see

Maybe I'll write like Twain wrote
Maybe I'll paint like Van Gogh
Cure the common cold, I don't know
But I'm ready start 'cause I know in my heart

I wanna do something that matters, say something different
Something that sets the whole world on its ear
I wanna do something better with the time I've been given
I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
Leave nothing less than something that says 'I was here'

I will prove you wrong
If you think I'm all talk, you're in for a shock
'Cause this dream's too strong and before too long

Maybe I'll compose symphonies
Maybe I'll fight for world peace
'Cause I know it's my destiny
To leave more than a trace of myself in this place!

I wanna do something that matters, say something different
Something that sets the whole world on its ear
I wanna do something better with the time I've been given
I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
And leave nothing less than something that says ?I was here?

And I know that I, I will do more than just pass through this life
I'll leave nothing less than something that says ?I was here?
I was here

The Funk

I never finished writing about my trip to Solvang.  While I covered the bike ride and the events leading up to it, I left out the fun we had on our day of traveling back to Texas.  We got up at the crack of dawn (no, really!) for the third time in four days, left the hotel at 4:45 a.m., and drove the long, windy, dark roads back to Bob Hope Airport. 

Why didn’t I write about the fun we had on the airplane, the pictures we took in the engine (the plane was off, obviously), and the gambling we did in Las Vegas’ airport?  It’s actually quite simple… the let down of the event being over created a sadness I can't begin to explain.

Yesterday, I came across a quote that said, “”You can’t focus on your Blessings and your Problems at the same time.  The one that has your focus will shape your thinking.”  I am more blessed than I sometimes remember, and this quote reminded me it.  I rode 104-miles in memory of my dad, raised over $5,500 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, and had the best support system I could have ever asked for.  Talk about blessed!  My sister-in-law also sent me a poem she reads often, and it was what I needed to pull me out of my funk.

First Lesson, Philip Booth

Lie back daughter, let your head

be tipped back in the cup of my hand.

Gently, and I will hold you. Spread

your arms wide, lie out on the stream

and look high at the gulls. A dead-

man's float is face down. You will dive

and swim soon enough where this tidewater

ebbs to the sea. Daughter, believe

me, when you tire on the long thrash

to your island, lie up, and survive.

As you float now, where I held you

and let go, remember when fear

cramps your heart what I told you:

lie gently and wide to the light-year

stars, lie back, and the sea will hold you.

Today, I counting my blessings while I lie gently. 

Solvang Trip- Day 3-- THE CENTURY RIDE!

Saturday morning at 3:30 a.m. came quickly!  No, my alarm wasn’t set to go off at 3:30, but that is about the time I gave up on trying to sleep.  We were supposed to be in the lobby at 5:10 a.m. ready to load the buses, so it was going to be an early morning regardless.

There were a million reasons why I couldn’t sleep.  My mind was racing, I was afraid I was going to miss my alarm, and my daddy was on my mind.  I was reminiscing about the day I decided I wanted to do a Century Ride, and the time when a Navy Seal said “Your body can physically do anything, it’s your mind that stops you from living your dreams.”  How could this adventure be coming to a close?

About 3:45 a.m. is when I got out of bed.  Because I needed to kill some time, I took a shower, did my hair, and put on makeup.  Yes, I was that girl wearing makeup for a 104-mile ride.  My poor tummy was feeling the effects of nervousness, but I choked down a bagel with peanut butter and banana and headed to the lobby.

Unfortunately, Team Texas missed the bus.  By bus, I mean a yellow school bus where we had to put our bikes and bodies.  It was a 30-minute ride to the start line, so the team was forced to hang out in the lobby for the next hour.  A lot of people were upset because they could have gotten another hour of sleep, but I was thankful to be with company.  Seriously, what would I have done with another hour confined to my thoughts?

Mom and Casey planned to be at the start line, so they weren’t very happy when we missed the bus.  They hung out with us in the lobby, taking pictures, making jokes, and practicing some of the stupid P90X moves that Casey’s golfers hate.  I was as hyper as could be with only a couple hours of sleep under my belt and no coffee.

Getting on the bus was amusing.  Each bike got its own bus seat while we had to double up on the other side of the bus.  Once the seats were taken, bikes lined the aisles of the bus.  The 30-minute ride didn’t go fast enough, so when we finally got there, I was ready to go! 

We started as a team, riding in a single file line through the beautiful trees and scenery of Solvang, California.  Somehow, I lost my riding buddy in the pack, but we found each other around mile 10.  It was really foggy and cold, but I knew it wasn’t going to be long before the weather turned beautiful. 

 

Riding up to the first rest stop is probably one of my favorite memories for the entire ride.  Team in Training was well represented and as we rode in; they were cheering loud and proud for Team Texas.  My mom and Casey were there, and Casey had made posters for Misty and me.  I can’t describe the moment simply because I will never do it justice.  Saying that I felt blessed is a huge understatement.

We continued to ride through beautiful and not so beautiful scenery.  At one point, we rode by a landfill, and the nasty fish smell lingered for about five miles.  But, every time we came to a rest stop, there was my mom and Casey as well as other TNT supporters.  As much as I typically dislike spending time at rest stops, I LOVED them in California.  They would have snacks for us, sandwiches, and a thousand encouraging words for motivation.

Mom and Casey also would stop on the side of the road to cheer for us.  They booty-danced to some rap music (a little embarrassing but hilarious) and Casey made up cheers (she was channeling her inner cheerleader) about cycling, 104-miles, and many other things.  She even ran up the huge hill at mile 85 next to me.

By the time mile 95 rolled around, I was starting to get tired.  The sun was starting to set, so the temperatures were getting a little chilly.  But, at the same time, I didn’t want the ride to ever end. I loved every part of the experience, and I wasn’t ready for it to be over. 

I learned a lot through my journey with Team in Training.  Being surrounded by a group of people who had also been affected by Leukemia or Lymphoma helped in the healing process.  Listening to someone give their mission moment every Saturday at practice showed me that I wasn’t alone in the hurt and pain caused by cancer. 

This event was probably the best thing I have ever done.  I smiled through the entire ride because the environment, atmosphere, and people made it so special.  At times, I could hear my dad laughing in my head (as I was climbing hills), and I could feel his presence with me.  I can’t wait to sign up for the next event to keep my daddy’s memory alive and living in me as well as helping fund research to get rid of this terrible disease.

Solvang Trip - Day Two

Friday started after a really long, hard, deep sleep.  Needless to say, we were all exhausted from traveling the day before. 

Because we had to put our bikes back together, Coach David scheduled a practice ride for us.  It was only 10 miles, but it was a chance to make sure we wouldn’t have any bike trouble the next day and to see part of the course.  As we got on a major road (I can’t remember what it is called), I was amazed at the beauty of rolling hills and countryside.  As “city” as I like to say I am, the countryside is really where my heart belongs.

After our ride, Mom, Casey, and I went into Solvang to have lunch.  There really aren’t words to describe Solvang… it’s a small town with a lot to do, and I, once again, loved every part of it.  We settled on a little café where we could eat on the patio.  From where I was sitting, I took a picture of the windmill in the picture below. 

Then we were off to Cambria Winery and Vineyard.  Talk about beautiful!!  It was a 45 minute car ride, but worth every ounce of expensive gas we spent. 

Friday night was the Inspiration Dinner and our last team meeting.  It was a carb-intensive meal, and I was amazed at how much I could actually put in this body.  I think I ended the meal with 2 cookies… or was it 3?  I figured I’d work everything off during the ride, so I ate past the point of being full.

As we had our last team meeting, I was recognized for raising $5,425 when I only had to raise $2,900.  The emotions really started flowing when Nate (the coordinator) presented me with a Team in Training jersey that said “THIS ONE’S FOR DAD.”  All of the team members also signed it, and it was both humbling and overwhelming.  Nate also talked about how this was my first TNT experience since losing my dad, and while it would be difficult, Dad would be proud of me.

By the time I got in bed that night, my mind was racing with memories of my dad and the past year.  I wasn’t afraid of 100-miles, I was ready....

Solvang Trip- Day One

What an incredible weekend!  I’m going to write a blog post about each day instead of trying to include all of the fun into one post.  I’ll start with Day One, the day of travel!

This was my first time to Non-Rev with Southwest.  I’ve flown on my brother’s American passes, so I was kind of familiar with the process, but it’s a little different with Southwest.

The full flight we were trying to get on left Love Field at 6 a.m.  Mom and I both got up in the 3 a.m. hour after we both didn’t go to bed until about 1 a.m.  It was a rough start, but we got to the airport with plenty of time to check in.  My best friend, Casey, showed up around 5 also, and the fun began.

Due to snowy conditions in Albuquerque, the gate agent told us that they were only carrying 100 passengers because they had to add fuel.  How defeating to know the next flight didn’t leave until 8:30 a.m…. that meant three hours in the airport.  The good news is that we managed to be the last three seats and were on our way to ABQ!

When we arrived in ABQ, they made us get off the plane because the flight to Oakland was full.  Once again, the feeling of defeat was in full effect!  The gate agent told us we really had no chance of getting anywhere out of ABQ, so we started considering the option of renting a car and driving to Solvang.  It was going to be a 15-hour drive, but hey, we were going to do it.  Thank goodness they called our name, and we managed to be the last three on the flight again.  Wheh!  Sigh of relief!

Our flight from Oakland to Burbank was wide open, and we got there fast.  When we got to the rental car place, they gave us a black Impala.  Funny story—my dad wanted my sister of me to get an Impala when we turned 16.  Thank goodness Mom intervened, and she reminded me of the story as we started the two-and-a-half hour drive to Solvang.

There really isn’t much more to write about Day One.  We arrived in Lompoc (where the hotel was), the team captain put my bike together for me, we went into Solvang to eat at a great restaurant called Cecca, and then we went to bed.

Stay tuned for Day Two…

Dress Rehearsal

Like any great event, we had our "dress rehearsal" on Saturday.  This was our last practice ride before Solvang, and boy, was it "fun."

I haven't ridden with the team since January, and I can honestly say that I really missed the Saturday rides.  On Feb. 4th, my riding buddy and I rode Joe Pool Lake instead of going with the team in Forestburg (it's 92 miles one way from my apartment).  Then, I was in Atlanta on the 11th, rain cancelled us on the 18th, so it had been a while.

Saturday was a beautiful day!  It was difficult to figure out what to wear because it was a bit chilly, but you warm up really quickly on the bike.  By the first stop, I had peeled off the jacket and was in capri tights, a base layer, and my jersey... and it was gorgeous!!

Unfortunately, I forgot my bike nutrition, so I got hungry around mile 23.  The rule of thumb on the bike is to eat before you get hungry because if you do manage to get hungry, it's hard to get your body back on track.  By the time we hit the rest stop, I was so hungry that I almost knocked somone down in order to get to the food.  I'm glad this happened before Solvang and not the day of the actual event.  Because I got hungry, by mile 50, I was pretty much wiped out and had 25 more miles to ride.  Needless to say, I was my own worst enemy on Saturday!

The "best" part about the ride were two hills in a Cedar Hill neighborhood that we had to do twice.  They were steep, and at one point, I doubted if I was even moving.  But, just like every other ride, I had to find a way to get my butt up the hill.  It hurt like hell and it was not fun, but I somehow managed to get up the hill.  Thank God there are no style points in cycling because it was ugly!

Pulling back into the parking lot after we finished the ride was bittersweet.  I was so thankful to be finished with the ride, but I'm also quite sad that this was the last one with the team.  I've loved being part of Team Solvang, and I'm even more thankful that I can share my experiences with other people.  We have all been affected by cancer, and it's nice to have a support group. 

On another note, Misty (my riding buddy) and I talked about life plans again.  She's in school for a Masters in Exercise Science, and jealousy is seeping out of my pores!  I've decided that I will go back for a nutrition degree at some point, but as of now, I'll finish my masters degree in Education Administration first.

Anyways, before I get into my life dreams and goals (also known as "what's next?!?), I'll wrap things up.  In exactly 9 days, I will be leaving for Solvang!  And, two weeks from today, I will be able to say that I successfully rode my bike 104-miles!

Rockstar Status

No, I don't think I'm a rockstar.  Actually, I do, but I'm once again talking about my upcoming ride.  I can't believe I'm less than a month from the event that seemed like it would never get here.  We have a training ride this weekend and next, and then we ship our bikes.  How crazy is that?!?

My original goal for fundraising ws $3,800.  I technically only had to raise $2,900, but I set my goal higher.  I'm now sitting at $4,850 which gives me Rockstar Status, a Team in Training Nike bag, and I'm only $550 from a Nike jacket. 

It's funny how unmotivated I am by the posessions.  Actually, I'm lying again.  I want the Rockstar Status because I will get a certificate that I plan to frame.  The simple piece of paper will be a constant reminder of how much my dad was loved.  People are donating because they like me, it's more about the impact my daddy had on others.  I ride in his memory and not for my own well-being. 

In the process of event, I have fallen in love with cycling, the cause, and raising money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.  I plan to do the Las Vegas Century Ride in September, and I hope to work rest stops for each ride I am not doing.  I love everything about TNT, and I hope others will be inspired to get involved.

We've now been without my dad for over a year, and I still think about him all of the time.  He was a two-sport athlete in college, was drafted to play major league baseball, taught and coached high school, opened his own business, became a fabulous chef, had an infectious personality, and most importantly, loved with all of his heart.  There aren't enough people like him in this world, and if there were, the world would be a better place.

As always, today I count my  blessings that Tom Swan was my dad.  And, I thank God that He has given me an opportunity to keep his memory alive.

Proverbs 3:5-6

I've been meaning to sit and write about everything that has happened since Christmas day, but I've come up with a million excuses as to why I shouldn't blog about my personal business.  I could have written about buying a new car even though I didn't want a new one, the amazing weather on the NYE ride, the simple NYE celebration, or even starting the year right by being well-rested and going to church.  But, all of those things have been far from my mind.

 It was a year ago today that my dad had surgery.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  On Wednesday night of last year when I got to the hospital after work, I was met at the door by my mom. She asked me to stay in the hall for a little bit while the doctors came in to talk.  I had been in the room so many times when the doctors were in there, and the fear hit me in my core. Something was terribly wrong.

My dad ended up being taken to an emergency CT scan where they found he had a perforated bowel.  Because the chemo was so aggressive, the surgeon was actually on call during the first round of chemo.  Over the course of the next couple of weeks, the chemo caused damage to the colon wall until it actually perforated.  I was sitting with my mom when the doctor came out to tell us about the "situation."  My mom's first question was if they could operate to fix it.  I'll never forget the doctor's words, "He's too weak, and there is a chance he won't make it through surgery."  I went home that night being more scared than I've ever been.

The next day on the way to school is when I found out they had put my dad is ICU in the middle of the night.  The tears wouldn't stop, and walking into the school I taught was excruciating.  But, my mom told me to go to work and she'd update me on any news.  To my surprise, my sister-in-law texted an hour later saying my dad was going to have surgery.  I left school immediately... how I drove home is beyond me because I was crying so hard I couldn't see the road.  But, I made it, and so did my dad.  Not only did the surgery go well, the doctors came out to tell us that the problem was fixed, the chemo was getting rid of the cancer, and we were back in the upswing.  I was so proud of my daddy.

Now, I should probably tie in the title of my blog with this story.

I find comfort in God's word.  Bible verses pick me up on days where I fall, listening to stories on the mightiness of the Lord refreshes my spirit, and applying a verse to my life fulfills my heart.  So, when things were rough like they were last year at this time, I clung to Proverbs 3:5-6.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Today, that bible verse crossed my path three times.  First, it was in the Girlfriends in God devotional I get every morning, then I saw it on two different people's twitter accounts.

As I get ready to go to bed, I am reminded that I am not in control.  God is.  And, although I would give anything in the world to see my daddy right now-- to hug him, hear his voice, listen to his stories-- he is in a better place.  He isn't suffering, he isn't scared, he isn't in pain.  At the end of the day, what more can I ask?