I've been meaning to sit and write about everything that has happened since Christmas day, but I've come up with a million excuses as to why I shouldn't blog about my personal business. I could have written about buying a new car even though I didn't want a new one, the amazing weather on the NYE ride, the simple NYE celebration, or even starting the year right by being well-rested and going to church. But, all of those things have been far from my mind.
It was a year ago today that my dad had surgery. I remember it like it was yesterday. On Wednesday night of last year when I got to the hospital after work, I was met at the door by my mom. She asked me to stay in the hall for a little bit while the doctors came in to talk. I had been in the room so many times when the doctors were in there, and the fear hit me in my core. Something was terribly wrong.
My dad ended up being taken to an emergency CT scan where they found he had a perforated bowel. Because the chemo was so aggressive, the surgeon was actually on call during the first round of chemo. Over the course of the next couple of weeks, the chemo caused damage to the colon wall until it actually perforated. I was sitting with my mom when the doctor came out to tell us about the "situation." My mom's first question was if they could operate to fix it. I'll never forget the doctor's words, "He's too weak, and there is a chance he won't make it through surgery." I went home that night being more scared than I've ever been.
The next day on the way to school is when I found out they had put my dad is ICU in the middle of the night. The tears wouldn't stop, and walking into the school I taught was excruciating. But, my mom told me to go to work and she'd update me on any news. To my surprise, my sister-in-law texted an hour later saying my dad was going to have surgery. I left school immediately... how I drove home is beyond me because I was crying so hard I couldn't see the road. But, I made it, and so did my dad. Not only did the surgery go well, the doctors came out to tell us that the problem was fixed, the chemo was getting rid of the cancer, and we were back in the upswing. I was so proud of my daddy.
Now, I should probably tie in the title of my blog with this story.
I find comfort in God's word. Bible verses pick me up on days where I fall, listening to stories on the mightiness of the Lord refreshes my spirit, and applying a verse to my life fulfills my heart. So, when things were rough like they were last year at this time, I clung to Proverbs 3:5-6.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Today, that bible verse crossed my path three times. First, it was in the Girlfriends in God devotional I get every morning, then I saw it on two different people's twitter accounts.
As I get ready to go to bed, I am reminded that I am not in control. God is. And, although I would give anything in the world to see my daddy right now-- to hug him, hear his voice, listen to his stories-- he is in a better place. He isn't suffering, he isn't scared, he isn't in pain. At the end of the day, what more can I ask?
