Merry Christmas!

It's 7:25 a.m., and I've been awake for over an hour.  I'm an early bird, so this isn't too surprising, but I'm not anxiously awaiting to go downstairs.  Instead, I've been staring at the ceiling thinking about my daddy.

We've had almost a year to prepare for him not being here on the most special day of the year. But, that's not helping me right now.  Last night, I thanked God that Daddy isn't in pain and that he gets to celebrate the birth of Jesus in Heaven... can you imagine how beautiful the ceremony is?

This year brings new traditions for the Swan family.  This morning, it will be Mom, Lauren, and me.  Technically this isn't new because Tommy, Misty and the boys don't normally come until early afternoon. The big difference is that tonight we'll be serving 19 people for dinner.  My Benjamin cousins are bringing their girlfriends, and our Palmer "family" will be joining us too.  Hopefully, the excitement of the season with 19 people will help mask the fact Daddy isn't here.

I can't help but think about last Christmas.  He was so weak.  He was so frail.  He was so quiet.  We brought a chair into the kitchen so he could be "involved" in the cooking, but he didn't last long.  The cancer was simply eating away all of his energy, so he spent most of the day in the recliner.

One of the highlights of last year was Cade standing at the foot of Dad's recliner staring at him.  I asked Cade if he wanted to give Hoss a hug, and the innocence in his voice said yes.  He crawled into the chair, gave Hoss a hug, and then went about playing.  That memory is permanently etched into my brain.

I guess I should get out of bed now and face the day.  It's going to be a busy one at the Swan household, and I especially look forward to my nephews getting here.  Not to mention, I have some baking to do before all of the craziness starts.

Merry Christmas to all of you!  Make sure you tell the people you care about how much you love and appreciate them.  You never know when they won't be here anymore.

I love you, Daddy!

The Wheels are Turning... Again

I can't help but giggle at my title. Technically, the wheels are turning because my bike has wheels that turn.  What I'm speaking of, however, is my brain.

During my ride on Saturday (45 miles through Allen), a teammate told me that her last day of work was Friday because she's going back to school. She's going to get her masters in Exercise Science, and I'm jealous.

The funny thing about Misty (my teammate, not my sister-in-law) is that she went to school to as a nursing major but ended up getting her degree in PR.  My first choice of major was Nutrition, but when I saw all of the required sceince courses, I changed to PR.  Misty is now pursuing her passion which has left me wondering if I should do the same.

A year ago, I knew I was through with education but was unsure of my next move. My degree is in PR, so I contacted my-now-boss to see if she knew of any PR/comm jobs I would be good for.  I also applied to the nutrition program at TWU and got accepted a couple of months later.

Because I did not want to take out student loans, I pursued the PR job instead.  Don't get me wrong, I LUV my job!  I LUV where I work!  I LUV the people I work with. But, I'm missing the one thing I'm most passionate about-- the health industry.

So... what do I do?  If I don't go back to school, will I regret it forever?  Will it always be on the back of my mind?  I love my job at Southwest Airlines way too much to leave, but I love the health industry, too.

If you have any suggestions, please send them my way.  :)

Did Someone Say "Hill?"

What do hills, more hills, and holy-cow-that's-a-big-hill have in common? That would be the workout we did yesterday for our 4th practice. But, that was just half of the ride. In order to fulfill our 30-mile practice, we had to do that loop twice!

Solvang is a hilly area, so in order to be prepared, you have to practice crazy-intense climbs. I must pat myself on the back because my theory of riding with the coach helped me a ton. She gave me good advice on how to pace myself, told me how to set goals on bigger hills, and was there to encourage me when the hill seemed a little too high and way too long.

After the first loop, I felt really good. I was trying out new powder in my water bottle (it had like 4 carbs to one protein), ate a good carb-intensive breakfast, and had a good bar during the break. The second loop was going to be a piece of cake because I knew exactly what to expect.

And then my legs died.

I turned into the biggest cheerleader on my team at that point. No, I wasn't encouraging others, I was yelling at my legs to keep pedaling. It went a little something like this.

"Come on, legs. Don't fail me now. You can do this!"

I repeated this many times. It was the last hill, however, that my now-shaking legs quit. I stopped, stepped off my bike, and tried to stretch my quads. It felt great, so I got back on my bike.

And then they died again.

Getting up that last hill was probably the most challenging workout I've ever had. It was so hard, it hurt so bad, and I was pretty sure I was going to fall off my bike because my legs were not working.

To my surprise, I somehow found that last very-small burst of energy to get up the hill and finished the route. It was certainly not easy, but it was worth every bit of the pain.

Like most rides, I take something away something valuable. This time, the lesson is simple. Don't give up. Don't ever let your mind convince you that you can't finish.

Time for a Trainer

Personal trainer?  I wish... although I am a certified personal trainer and my passions include health and fitness.  What I need (maybe it's more of a want than a need) is a bike trainer.

I've worked out almost every day in my entire life.  Obviously, that is not an accurate statement.  Let me try again.  I love working out... actually, I'm really bored with my workouts and the 4:45 a.m. wake up call.  Final attempt-- because I'm bored with my usual routine, am trying to prepare for a 104-mile bike ride, and hate the cold weather, I need to buy a bike trainer.

Since I'm still new to the biking thing (it's much more complex than hopping on a bike and going for a ride), I asked my brother to look into some trainers.  The only reason I'm doing this is because it is almost impossible for me to get to spin class after work.  Not to mention that I prefer working out in the morning.

Here's the problem- the cheapest is around $150ish and I don't really want to spend a lot of money on a "good" one.  My friend at the bike shop said their trainers are going on sale this week, but I'll still spend at least $200.

It looks like I need to suck it up and just buy the darned thing.  I'll be able to ride more often, in the comfort of my home, and at 5 a.m.  Seems like a winning combonation, right?!?

Happy Birthday, Tader!

Today is Cade's 3rd birthday!  I'm not sure how he (or any of my nephews) is getting so old, but I love being a proud aunt.

Just like Drake, Cade has all of us wrapped around his little finger in an instant.  As much fun as everyone was having with one little boy in the family, we now had two.  Two kids to take fishing, two kids to pick boogers with, two boys to play with excavators and all those other trucks I'll never be able to remember.  Most importantly, two kids to send home with their parents after a day of fun!

Above: My all-time favorite picture.  Everyone's faces/actions speak volumes.

Below: Cade and Hoss sleeping in the recliner on Christmas Day.

Cade has been impressive from the get-go.  He started crawling when he was eight-months, walking at 10-months, fearless of the swimming pool at 18-months, actually jumping off the diving board and swimming to the side by himself at two-and-a-half-years-old, and he began riding a two-wheel bike this fall.  When it comes to anything active, there is nothing Cade can't do.  

Nana with Cade

But, from an early age, he has also been a lover.  He likes to sit in someone's lap, loves attention (he's the middle child so this makes sense), and has such a sweet heart.  He can be a mean lil' toot at times, but it's probably because he's all boy.

Hoss loves (I can't put that into past tense for so many reasons) all of his grandsons equally, but he and Cade became super close.  In fact, we call Cade "Tader" because Hoss did.  He always bragged about his grandsons, but Hoss definitely loved sharing about Tader's strength.

Last year when Hoss got sick, Cade made a sweet video for him.  He would say "Hoss," and then giggle. He repeated this a couple of times before he said (with some prompting from Tommy), "Be the water, Hoss."  Cade's innocent almost-two-year-old voice made my dad smile every time he heard it.

On two separate occasions at Christmas last year, Cade crawled into Hoss' lap to give him a hug.  It is one of my last memories of my dad and his grandsons, and it made quite the impression.    

As much as we all miss my dad right now with the holiday season in full-swing, Tader Bug misses him, too. During Thanksgiving, he asked his parents when Hoss can come home from heaven. The innocence of a child is a nice reminder how simple life should be. 

Happy birthday, Tader!!!  May you always remember how much your Hoss loves you.